I'm winding down a semester of boxes on the screen. Zoom remote sessions with students. Zoom meetings. Zoom happy hours. Lately, when I click into a Zoom thing, I either think of Paul Lynde and Hollywood squares or the PBS educational show Zoom, sometimes singing the entire "We're gonna Zoom, Zoom, Zoom-a-Zoom," in my head of course, since those not of a certain age miss the references (and my singing ain't that great). And throughout the semester, many things stayed in my head, as I wondered about whether students were sometimes there, whether students laughed at my jokes, whether I might get through an entire semester spent behind a computer screen. And now that I am close to finishing grading, I can say I did survive. I never taught in my pajamas, never smoked a bowl or had a drink before class (maybe after), and always showered. I consider that success.
Like many, I say a big F U to Covid and its continued disruption for all of us. One of my students, in a final discussion posting asking for a top ten list of things to do for survival in Comp, said twice,
don't take classes in 2020. Struggle with a big fat middle finger is the common tune, and on my walk earlier today, this sign felt perfect at capturing this moment, and honestly, many moments throughout the year.
Despite this, I am lucky that in several days, I can pull books off my shelf to read leisurely. I can choose not to open the computer for a day. Those piles of magazines with cool food pictures await, and even though this winter break won't include a cool trip to Vietnam, to a beach somewhere, to escape the holidays, it will still have plenty of unstructured time, which I am certain to embrace.
And with that time, I will need a strategy to avoid too much doom scrolling, motivation to work on some writing pieces generated throughout the year during various writing workshops, and the right combo of clothes to venture out on my walks even when it is way colder than I desire. I count myself fortunate for now; Nan and I, our families and close friends, have managed to stay virus free, somewhat mentally intact, and grateful most of the time even when we want to rail about the state of things. For the remainder of December and into January, we'll create new celebrations for upcoming holidays, find new recipes to play with, and continue to bring in food weekly from somewhere, treating ourselves when we can. Oscar worthy films will stream on our television. And when the days and news tilt too much to darkness, I will struggle for a bit, knowing that these coronavirus days call for constant adjustment and readjustment, navigating through so much uncertain and unknown territory.
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